1. If you didn’t bring enough tennis panties, you’re in trouble because there are only 2 sized extra small’s in the pro shop! If you must hand wash them, don’t hang them out on your balcony to dry, ‘cause they won’t be there in the morning!

2. Book your spa treatments early. They book up fast and god knows we will need our massages!

3. Don’t be late for dinner shuttles. You will become unpopular very quickly. These are hungry women, besides your hair will be frizzy as soon as you step outside anyway.

4. Look around you, introduce yourself to your neighbor and try to remember names. She may become your tennis partner and/or drinking buddy, for this trip and hopefully others. That is one thing you’re sure to walk away with (and maybe a hangover!).

5. Enjoy the “competition” and be proud of the team you’re on, even if it does have a stupid name (and it probably will!). You just might win a “solid gold” trophy.

6. Don’t take it personally if the pro heckles you. It is a sign of endearment. Statements such as “That was pathetic!” and “Whatever!” and “This is not a country club!” really means “Wow, she’s really good” and “Impressive!” and “You look hot in that outfit!”.

7. You can only curse at the pros if they cursed at you first (or if Don is cheating yet again!).

8. Fact: if you are late to tennis, you will be mercilessly harangued by the pros. Just smile, curtsy, and look adorable!

9. Always lift water bottle cover to check for floating critters, BEFORE YOU DRINK IT!

10. At dinner, beware of the “graciousness” of another team to continue to buy your team rounds of shots. This is a common ruse by a lesser team to get and edge.

11. Retreat doesn’t have to be religious. While some of us may be saying our Hail Mary’s on the court, most of us will be drinking Bloody Mary’s at the Cantina.

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